Thursday, May 11, 2006

Good Neighbors


This is my blog so I can cry if I want to.

My neighbors, the Carlos's, object to my cats, Tom, Katherine (Kitty) and Little One, because they poop on their lawn and because Tom sprays their front door. They have put it to me that I should keep these cats locked up in my house--which is not feasible because they're old cats, accustomed to prowling and largely self supporting. I keep the door to our fenced yard open for Ducati, our chocolate lab, a.k.a. Britynic Cadbury of Bourneville but the cats can, and do, fly over the six foot fence and, in any case, when I've tried to confine them, retaliate. Cats are free--at least those like ours who aren't seriously domesticated and make their living eating birds.

Mr. Carlos has taken to pitching cat shit against the steps to our side door. Personally I do not believe that all this shit is ours and would be seriously interested in a DNA test. The neighborhood is full of feral cats. Moreover, some of the crap he's dumped at my side steps, in my opinion, isn't cat shit at all. My cats shit all over the kitchen and the the Carlos' turds by comparison are much bigger than any my cats can squeeze out. In short, I believe this is dog shit rather than cat shit. Some is petrified and covered with dirt: it is pretty clear to me that Carlos has been digging in his garden to find shit to deliver to my doorstep.

My family, characteristically, thinks it's all my fault. Sorry, I don't buy it. So, if anybody is reading this--is this my fault, dammit?

47 comments:

Alex said...

yes, Cats eat wild birds wilst there population numbers are being supported far beyond what would be sustainable in the wild due to owners feeding them. Also i am fed up of putting my hands in cat poo whilst gardening, it stinks.

Although i do love cats i haven't got any for the reason above.

Andrew Brown said...

You could visit the zoo and then retaliate with leopard shit?

Seriously, I have no idea how rows about cat crap can be defused. Neighbours go crazy about this -- and I have a mother who has been known to pick up cat turds from her garden and deposit them whence she thinks they came.

Otherwise, you could draw up an electoral map of America, divided into counties where disputes like this are settled (1) by DNA testing the cat crap or (2) by shooting the cats.

Sanpete said...

I've been trying to detect the secret connections between your two posts from Thursday. Let me see ... shit and The Da Vinci Code ....

I wouldn't say it's your fault, but I suppose whatever your cats leave around is your responsibility. Rather like your children. It seems odd your family would blame you. They must not like the cats, possibly preferring a clean kitchen floor, unscratched furniture, no cat hair on sweaters (do you have sweaters there?), and so on.

I've been adopted by a feral cat that was probably once a domestic cat, since it's the world's friendliest cat. My neighbor thinks someone left it on the highway that runs by my house, as an alternative to taking it to be euthanized. I don't own it, never feed it, don't let it in the house. I'm just friendly to her. That kind of arrangement isn't an option for you, probably.

I live in a red county. A neighbor here used to have a couple little goats, no bigger than medium sized dogs. They would get out of his yard and come over here, causing various little problems (I was lucky--goats can be a real pain). One day when I brought one of the goats back he said he thought he was going to have to shoot them. I wasn't sure if he was serious or just seeing how I would react. I felt bad, but didn't say anything. Didn't see the goats anymore.

H. E. said...

The trouble is I live in a state where they do DNA testing on cats but my neighbor lives in a state, not geographical, where they shoot cats.

As far as rationality goes his policy is not utility-maximizing. It's more effort for him to transport this shit and pitch it at my door than it would be for him to dump it in his trash can, and it undermines my utility as well. We've discussed this: I've offered to pick up the poop from his lawn, suggested cat repellent products and offered to pay, but he's not having it; he also knows that no matter how much of it he puts on my doorstep I can't keep the cats inside and that I'm not going to get rid of them.

Anonymous said...

So, if anybody is reading this--is this my fault, dammit?


It's the fault of whoever acclimated the cats to living outdoors.

You say they are old cats. They're lucky given that most outdoor cats don't live long enough to get old and don't have gentle deaths. Complaints from neighbors about birds and shit aside, the outdoor life isn't a blessing for the pet.

I have no advice re your current situtation other than to remind your neighbor that the cats are old so his problem is relatively short lived. Reputable breeders and rescuers require a promise from those adopting cats that they be kept indoors. Even outdoor cats can make the adjustment if they are youngish. Perhaps an acknowledgement from you that you now appreciate what's in the best interests of both your neighbors and your pets will mollify him long enough for the problem to run its course.

Karen

nullo said...

it seems obvious to me that it is Mr. Carlos' own shit that you find on your doorstep.

by the way, i have argued in a paper some years ago that domesticated animals are morally responsible. if that might make you feel better, i can send it to you.

Jim said...

I would not phrase it as a black/white responsibility issue. The status quo in most parts of the country is that cats roam pretty much free. As such, the Carlos' have made a social contract with this by living in a place that allows this status quo. They and others who think like them can try to change the laws/codes and you are free to oppose them.

You have tried to satisfy him by being as good as neighbor as you can - but I bet he has so much invested in being a neighbor whose rights are being trampled that there cannot be a solution until he gets over that investment (don't hold your breath). I would also bet that if your cats ended up indoors permanently, there would still be as much poop in his garden as in his psyche.

However, the spraying of the doors does seem a little bit more problematic than garden poop. Myself, I would keep the spraying cat indoors.

The "my rights are being trampled" neighors need enemies and will create them as needed. Just smile and say "thanks for the poop, you shouldn't have!"

H. E. said...

Thanks for all these comments on my cat problem. Bottom line is I'm going to stick to my guns here!

What really depresses me is the level of fastidiousness. I used to think that this was a peculiarity of California, after reading about Miss Thanatopolos in The Loved One who deodarizes, sanitizes, disinfects and depilitates her body but the trend seems to be world wide. 30+ years ago when I was married the UK seemed a pretty comfy place. Nowadays the people with whom we do home exchanges there all have fitted bedrooms with en suite bathrooms and bidets--though the showers still don't work properly.

I don't have any moral agendas or views about the virtues of dirt and body hair. It's just that achieving the level of cleanliness my neighbors and family demand is a pain--and, being female, I'm the one who has to do all the work.

I suppose I can see the point. I'm grossed out when I go through the colonias in Tijuana where there are open sewers, pariah dogs and piles of garbage in the streets and expect that my neighbors feel the same way about my prowling cats and messy lawn. But it's a matter of what's cost effective: how hard do I have to work, how many hours do I have to put in, how much do I have to pay (my cleaners who just left charge $139 a pop for their monthly cleaning) and how much do I have to sacrifice to achieve an acceptable level of cleanliness?

Boofykatz said...

"My neighbors, the Carlos's, object to my cats, Tom, Katherine (Kitty) and Little One, because they poop on their lawn and because Tom sprays their front door."
Err, how do they know it's Tom- do they have CCTV on the front door? How do they know it's not eldest daughter's boyfriend getting overwrought? I am a cat fanatic, although ours prefer the indoor litter tray with UK bidet to the cold outdoor Dunny. I suspect your Mr carlo is an arseOOOOOOOle. From a microbiological point of view, cat poo is a jolly good fertilizer and poses little threat, in a bucolic neighbourhood, to the average sprogs, the occasional toxoplasma and toxocara scare notwithstanding.

H. E. said...

Thanks, B'katz! Truth is we've had the same problem with Mr. Neill and I think it's more about our lawn, which our No. 2 son is supposed to now for his keep but doesn't, than the cats. Neill came to my kitchen door last year to complain about Tom. I put it to him that there were feral cats living under every parked car in the neightborhood, as well as a number of indoor-outdoor pet cats, including the Carlos's (now late) Siamese-mix Bambino. He said, "TOM IS A RINGLEADER!" and accused him of rounding up all the neighborhood cats and marching them to Chez Neill to poop.

When it comes to it, I thank God if there is a God that my biggest headaches right now are dealing with neighbors' complaints about my beasts and the prospect of 70 logic exams to grade in the near future! I'm a cat fanatic, a dog fanatic and at least moderately fanatic about all warm-blooded creatures--I'd hate to live in a world here all these beasts, to the extent that humans tolerated them at all, were sanitized, caged and controlled.

Sanpete said...

The world's friendliest cat had four kittens on my back porch today. No cages or controls here, but the raccoons and the highway in front of my house will no doubt take their toll.

H. E. said...

Ah-ha! Friendly cat--seduced you and now says, "Oh, by the way--I've got four kids..." ;-)

H. E. said...

Ah-ha! Friendly cat--seduced you and now says, "Oh, by the way--I've got four kids..." ;-)

Scott said...

I'd thought you'd find the letter in today's Salon advice column, titled, "Can I kill a cat if it poops in my yard?" interesting:

Dear Cary,

I'm having a problem with a cat. At least I assume it's a cat since I've never actually seen it. The cat uses my yard and garden as its toilet. This, by itself is not a serious matter; I clean detritus out of my yard regularly as a matter of course. The real problem is that my young children, who love to play in the yard and putter in the garden, always run afoul of the cat's mess if I haven't cleaned it up first. So, every morning I must police my yard and garden for signs of the cat's nightly visit and clean up after it. Oftentimes, I must be away from home on business and there is no one to perform this duty. So my kids stay inside or go outside and get fouled.

Recently, I've been considering a solution to this problem. A permanent solution. I'm not a cat hater. I've had and enjoyed several cats as pets. I don't wish upon this cat any painful punishment or cruel revenge. I don't know whose cat it is, whether it even has a home and is loved or is left to its own devices. I simply want it to disappear and can certainly arrange it. I was raised in a semi-rural environment where we had livestock, which we even played with and petted, but which also eventually were slaughtered and eaten. Killing animals that we had raised seemed perfectly natural and was the practical conclusion to the endeavor. When our pet dogs or cats were seriously ill, grievously injured or simply became too numerous, we shed our tears and then sent them to their reward without the services of a veterinarian or animal shelter. This solution to my cat problem seems perfectly reasonable to me, akin to the fate dealt to gophers, rats and other living nuisances. On the other hand, I realize a cat's difference; people increasingly put great store in their pets, considering them to be family members in every regard. What I consider to be a reasonable solution will surely be considered an immoral crime by others.

I've tried many other alternatives. There are pages and pages of recommendations on using this type of fruit peel or that type of noxious repellent, many that are little better than the mess left by the cat, and none of which has had any effect. There are even sophisticated fences and motion-activated sprinklers that I can't bring myself to consider due to the time and cost alone. I might even attempt to find the owners, confront them with the problem and ask them to find some solution, under the assumption that they bear primary responsibility for managing the waste of their own pets, not me. I imagine, though, that what is so hateful to me is considered unavoidable and uncontrollable cat nature to the owner, who would thereafter brand me as a cat-hating lunatic.

With my solution, no one need be the wiser. Only I would know what really happened and personally I am comfortable with the proceedings. The owners certainly would be sad to lose their pet, and I would regret that, but it would be a mystery as far as they were concerned, just as if the cat were hit by a car, fell from a tree or ate some poisonous plant; all risks that they currently tolerate anyway to indulge the nature of their free-ranging cat. It doesn't seem that bad to me. Expressing that feeling to others, however, generates expressions of shock and horror, and a certainty in the mind of the hearer that I am some kind of sadistic psychopath. I'm not sadistic about it at all. It all sounds quite reasonable to me. I don't feel like a psychopath. So the question is, first, am I a psychopath? Secondly, what do I do about the cat?

Night Soiled

Dear Night Soiled,

What a funny name.

First: No, you're not a psychopath. You're just out of step with our quickly advancing sensitivities and sympathies toward animals. People in rural and semi-rural areas have different customs about killing animals. Perhaps you're not sufficiently indoctrinated yet with the customs of our current urban and suburban zeitgeist.

So: No, you can't shoot the cat. That's not allowed. Sorry. You can't shoot the cat or poison the cat or catch the cat in a bag and beat the cat to death or strangle the cat or drown the cat. It just isn't done. We are moving, ethically speaking, toward greater acceptance of animals as beings with inalienable rights, and this in my view is a generally positive development.

So what do you do about the cat? Get a dog. Dogs chase cats out of yards. It's fun to watch. It's fun for the dog. Children love it. Maybe you have rats and the cat likes the rats. The dog might make the rats go away too. And even if the cat does keep coming in the yard from time to time just for the sport of it, he will probably not feel sufficiently relaxed enough to do his business in your yard. Animals, as you have probably observed, like to be reasonably sure they will not be interrupted. They like a little peace and quiet, just like humans do, except they don't generally read the newspaper and smoke.

Don't get a dog that will eat the cat. That would be gross. Just get a dog that will chase the cat.

Your kids will love you for it, and you might even come to like the dog a little yourself. At least you will know that the dog is doing a useful job.

Oh, darn. Then you would have to clean up after the dog. I forgot about that. It's not the cat, but the poop. Hmmm.

Well, sorry. Thought I had a good idea there. But if it's poop you're trying to eliminate, that's not the way to do it.

Why is the cat shitting in your yard? At any rate, you're not alone.

OK, if you can't get a dog, then I think I like the idea of the motion-detector activated sprinkler. Yes, it requires some work and some expense. And maybe that isn't fair. And maybe you should find the owner of the cat. And all of this is a pain in the ass. And people should be better and more responsible. And a man shouldn't have to clean cat shit out of his yard.

But such is life. You will be a better, kinder person if you take the better, kinder approach.

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Anonymous said...

You sound like a nightmare neighbor--I have one across the street just like you.

I have two cats, both inside cats and happy to be so. My neighbor has 5 cats and two dogs. In spite of the city leash laws, they let the two huge dogs out to shit on the everyone else's lawn (they have a fenced backyard of their own where the dogs could do their business).

Furthermore, they let all 5 cats roam free. Their cats routinely spray my front, side and back doors. I've talked to the neighbor about it--she always denies it's her dogs shit in my flower beds (yes, they dig in my flower beds) and her cats that are spraying my doors (I've actually seen her ginger tom do it!). Another neighbor has the same problem and has talked to her about it and gotten the same response.

I'm about ready to start putting out poisonous slug bait in hope her animals will ingest it. I love dogs and cats, but when an owner--like you--won't take responsibility and allows her pets to befoul the entire neighborhood, what options does one have left?

H. E. said...

This is amazing--I've gotten more comments on this than on this post than any of my essays on substantive issues and they just keep coming. Clearly, more people care, and care more passionately, about cat poop than about politics.

So, so depressing--not only the triviality but the moralism, intolerance and prissy fastdiousness. Lots of alien dogs and cats poop on my lawn. I clean it up, just as I clean off the bird droppings on my windscreen and leaves that blow over from my neighbors' trees. This is just fallout from the local flora and fauna.

Maybe I just have a different philosophy of ecology. My lawn and, for that matter, the exterior of my house, is part of the natural world. Birds build nests in my trees, lizards scuttle across my porch and the skunk who lives in my crawlspace periodically stinks up the house. Occasionally I even see a rabbit or racoon and I think that's great. Whether they're pets or local neighborhood critters these animals are part of the natural world like the sunshine and rain and I'm delighted that they're there, being animals rather than personal fetishes or decor, and doing their thing. I clean up after them, just as I mow the lawn and generally maintain my property.

I don't want to live in a world where animals are just personal accessories, where lawns are manicured to simulate astroturf and everything is prepackaged, sanitized and disinfected. It isn't fun and it isn't even healthy.

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